Miami bishop affirms Church teaching on conjugal love

Since I posted previously about the scandalous counsel of Fr. Cutie, and in the course of my comment I wondered whether the Archdiocese of Miami condones such counsel, I should let you know of the following.

I had emailed the Archdiocese of Miami asking them for clarification as to whether or not they consider it acceptable for their priests to counsel a couple that sex before marriage is fine, even a good thing. I'm glad to report that Auxiliary Bishop Eduardo R.Jimenez, Director of the Family Life Department of the Archdiocese of Miami (which oversees marriage preparation in the diocese) emailed me on May 18. His response included the following:

As Director of the Family Life Department of the Archdiocese of Miami, I want to assure you and everyone that we do not encourage or support anything contrary to the Catholic Church Moral Teachings. We do not support cohabitation, nor having sex before marriage. . . . I can assure [you] that we do not counsel or support this kind of statements in any of our programs.

Thank you, Archbishop Jimenez, for your response, and for your assurance that the Archdiocese of Miami stands fast with the teaching of the Catholic Church about the proper role of the gift of conjugal love as within marriage.

Encouraging mortal sin: not a good preparation for marriage

Ever since my conversion to Catholicism I have been interested in issues surrounding the challenge of how the Church in America might be more effective in catechesis and evangelization, matters so important in helping people become closer to Jesus, that they might continue to move forward on the path to sanctity as their life unfolds.

In my opinion one of the most perpetually important things for an effective and ongoing transformation of a Christian society is the preparation of young people for the sacrament of marriage. A great deal of good--or harm--can be done by agents of the Church during the window of time before a couple is married. It is a special opportunity for healing, informing, correcting, and preparing a man and woman, thus enabling them to become better able to draw close to each other and to Christ through the many graces available in Christian matrimony. While there have been good things taking place in the area of marriage preparation, it seems to me that typical courses of marriage preparation in many American parishes still are mediocre at best, sometimes downright awful. Even so I do think progress is being made, though this progress is slow.

On the topic of poor marriage prep and in connection to the previous post, I want to bring to your attention the following. The same May 9 Miami Herald article as referenced in the previous post, included this:

In the process of counseling couples about to get married, [Fr. Cutie] has matter-of-factly said: "Look at the person sitting next to you. If you are not having the best sex of your life, they may not be the right person for you."

Now, this is outrageously horrid advice for a priest to give a young couple preparing for marriage. This is extremely grave matter. If this quote is accurate it would indicate that this priest casually brushed off mortal sin, and with a smile. And not only that, but he actually gave unmarried couples positive encouragement to continue in grave sin, thereby helping set them up for untold continuing and future damage to their souls. Rather than helping them grow in virtue and gain a deeper appreciation for the beauty and mystery of marriage in Christ, he helped them instead to become more accepting of mortal sin, affirming them in approaching it with casual indifference, and thereby contributed to their becoming more spiritually lethal agents of one another’s present and future suffering and degradation as persons. Such a priest, in the name of God, would in fact be leading others into deeper and deeper spiritual destruction. And this, probably at least in part from a desire to appear hip, cool, and nonjudgmental.

If the above quote is true and if Fr. Cutie's bishop (Archbishop John Favalora) knew of it, this alone should have been cause for him to be immediately removed from pastoral duties. Any Catholic priest who is so unfaithful to his vocation that he would counsel engaged couples that fornication is no big deal and thereby, because of his influence as a priest, strengthen them in an attitude that regards mortal sin as OK (hey, they should be doing it and having fun--as preparation for marriage!!!)--has become (whether he realizes this or not) an ally of the devil. And I do not easily say things like this. It is quite literally the truth. A Catholic priest should be the last person in the world who would ever give anyone a green light to act as though objectively grave sin were normal and unproblematic.

What does the Archdiocese of Miami think of this? Do other priests in the diocese do this sort of thing, or is this a tragic aberration from a diocesan norm of priestly fidelity to the teaching of Christ about marriage?

This is so serious an issue that on May 12 I emailed auxiliary bishop John Noonan, Director of Priestly Life and Ministry for the Archdiocese of Miami, asking him if he could confirm whether this quote was accurate. To date I have received no response.

Also, and again because of the gravity of this situation, I thought I should try to find out more about the source of this quote from the reporter who wrote the Miami Herald article in which it appeared--it is unattributed in the article. So, I emailed Lydia Martin at the Herald, asking her if she would name her source, or, at least reaffirm (or recant) whether she could vouch confidently for the authenticity of the quote attributed to Fr. Cutie. She responded to me by email on May 15. She wrote, "It would not be appropriate for me to name my source. But the source is a reliable one, or I wouldn't have used the information."

I thought I should include this email exchange (one attempted and one successful) in this post since Ms. Martin who reported the quote about which I am writing did not name her source. Charity demands that I should have made an effort to ask about the source of this quote before being willing to write critically about the one to whom it is attributed. Although not fully satisfactory, the response of the reporter to stand behind it and the silence of the Archdiocese seems to me adequate to assume it is probably accurate.

Please, let us pray there be no other instances like this of priests preparing couples for the holy sacrament of matrimony by the ridiculous and harmful foolishness of encouraging them to commit mortal sin.

Priesthood, Romance, "Falling in Love"

There is a scandal taking place in Miami over recent revelations about the popular and charismatic Fr. Alberto Cutie. He is a well-known radio and TV personality among Spanish speaking Catholics. A Mexican magazine published photos of Fr. Cutie hugging and kissing on a Florida beach with a woman; they were both in beach attire.

Fr. Cutie has acknowledged that it is indeed he in the photos. The Miami Herald reported that father first met the woman ten years ago. He stated to the Herald, "Falling in love is not something that I chose to do. It's something I have been struggling with for a long time." And further, "We have been friends for a long time. And there has been mutual admiration and attraction for a while, but the more serious relationship started in the last few months." According to the Herald, father wants to get married and start a family.

A brief statement by the Archbishop of Miami is here. An even briefer statement by Fr. Cutie is here. Father is currently on leave from pastoral duties. It looks like he will eventually seek laicization.

I want to comment on one particular aspect of this situation: the phenomenon of a Catholic priest "falling in love." Here are a few thoughts on this:

1. Any normal heterosexual man, no matter his state in life, has a natural attraction to women. This is the way nature works--the way God made things. This natural attraction is personal and particular and will manifest itself more strongly for some women than others.

2. The mere fact of there being romantic, sexual attraction between a particular man and woman does not by itself indicate that they have a vocation to become spouses to each other. It may, but not necessarily. There is more to an authentic call between two people to marry each other than having a mutually strong romantic attraction, as exciting and powerful as this can be.

3. For a married man or a priest or religious, being romantically attracted to a woman (not one's wife) while not acting on this attraction is not in itself sinful. (Though, dwelling upon lustful thoughts would be.)

4. Any man at some point in his life is going to experience some desire for a woman with whom his state in life precludes the possibility of his ever marrying. (Either he is already married, or is committed for religions reasons to celibacy.)

In the case of a mature and virtuous married man committed to being faithful to his wife, if he were to experience some sexual attraction to a woman other than his wife, he would take prudent measures to limit contact with her and to carefully arrange the context of any contact so as not to put himself in danger of fanning flames of desire that have no business being flamed. The human person is capable of using his mind and heart to react responsibly to desires that should not be acted upon so as to reduce the likelihood of these desires ever growing so huge that they are a serious problem. The counsel and company of prudent and mature men can be a great help in this.

In the case of priests and/or religious there is a parallel. As for married men, they need to take prudent steps, with the help of grace, to guard their commitment to their state in life. It does not happen easily or with merely minimal effort and commitment. This includes, first, an understanding that it is natural for a man to have a powerful experience--in the course of a friendly relationship with a particular woman to whom he is also especially attracted--of "falling in love." This experience does not have to mean a crisis of his vocation to a celibate state. However, living a balanced, healthy, sustainable celibate life requires, as a minimum, ongoing prayer, a continually (daily) renewed commitment of his whole mind, heart, and soul to his state in life, a clear understanding of the meaning of his particular vocation and how his celibate state is integrally linked to it, and the assistance of other trusted men to whom he is voluntarily responsible and accountable and to whom he can turn for support in difficult times. This, for the honor of God, the sanctification of his soul, and the spiritual good of others.

And so my point here is to observe that for both priests and married men, "falling in love" with a woman who cannot become their wife (if they are to remain loyal to their vocation and state in life) does not have to mean that they will inevitably leave their current vocation to pursue her. That is, if they posses the virtue and presence-of-mind to realize that such an experience, while difficult and a source of anxiety (it could even be called a cross), is not synonymous with a vocational crisis. It is a spiritual danger; a cross. But, with the careful use of grace-assisted reason, will, and heart to monitor and guard their thoughts and actions, it need not become a crisis. This requires each day that a stable personal commitment engaging all of their person be made anew. As an integral part of their daily fidelity to their vocations, they need to be always mindful of the validity, the significance, the deep meaning and great value to the world of their particular vocation and thus of their state in life as it is fruitfully intertwined with it.

Let us pray for all people of good will that we would implore the Lord's constant help not to allow our merely natural desires and attractions (good-in-themselves yet not infallible as indicators) to become crises that could lead us to step off the path of our true calling.